Ummm...is the NFL trash?
Glad you asked. (Oh...You didn't? Well, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!!!)
But yes, the NFL is trash. Sorry but it's true. It's true. I know it sounds crazy (or maybe it doesn't since it's pretty obvious) but allow me because...
Bar Talk Tuesday presents the Top 10 reasons the NFL is trash!
#10 - Those sons of bitches won't stand for the flag. Just kidding. That has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with why the NFL is trash.
#10 - Thursday Night Football sucks. Who the hell wants to watch bum ass teams wearing neon spandex pajamas beat the crap out of each other 4 days after they already got the crap beat out of them? So much for player safety. Who said that?
(And MNF is tripping too. Jon Gruden and that jabroni next to him sound like 2 awful announcers trying in a ridiculous sports comedy about a football playing alien. Trash!)
#9 - Going to the games isn't safe anymore. You know we live in a crazy world when an old head Eagles fan gets his grill split open by a vile, drunken, 20 something, preppy thug Panthers fan in milquetoast Charlotte, man. DAMN!
And Kyle Adam Maraghy, you are TRASH!!!
#8 - Nobody is really good. Simmer down Eagles fans. Let me get this straight. The Chiefs (coached by the cheesesteak and BBQ eating, timeout blowing walrus Andy Reid) were considered the best team until the HOF underachieving Steelers finally woke up and wacked them. And they've been replaced by the Eagles (helmed by Andy Reid's coaching spectrum son and a QB who has won ZERO important games) even though they shot the fair one with the Chiefs and caught an L, plus they have the same record. And can we trust either of these teams?
Or try putting these teams in order: Falcons, Jags, Ravens, Lions, Redskins, Bills, Broncos, Rams.
Not to mention, the Super Bowl Champs just barely beat the lowly Jets with their feet on the ropes and a fast count by the refs.
#7 - A catch isn't a catch anymore. And a TD isn't a TD anymore. Much like social media and the rest of the world, you can't even believe your eyes anymore and nothing makes sense. Even if the refs are "technically" doing their job, WHAT THE HELL? But let's be honest...
#6 - The refs suck! Don't tell me a guy didn't catch the ball when I just saw him catch the ball or call a terrible pass interference call when you just let another guy do the same damn thing!
How bout you concentrate on not letting a QB or WR get murked by a Mortal Kombat fatality. Player safety and all. Ask Cam about that. I'm sure Packers fans would appreciate it too.
#5 - Concussions. I will never look at football the same way after seeing Luke Kuechly, who is definitely 1000 times tougher than me, crying like he just watched the end of Saving Private Ryan. (Spoiler alert but dammit Matt Damon, Tom Hanks died because of you. Earn this!)
And now we're supposed to believe he doesn't have another concussion even though he's in concussion protocol after leaving a game with concussion symptoms. What in the CTE?
#4 - QBs are TRASH. It is impossible to make a top 12 list without including a QB who is arguably trash. That leaves 20 more starters who are definitely trash.
And since offensive lines are totally trash, there is a chance that a trash ass backup, who is even worse than the worst trash ass starter, will have to play for your squad at some point and ruin your season. *cough* EJ Manuel *cough* Matt Cassell *cough*
(And a very special shoutout to all the old heads with the dead arms and heavy pockets - Carson Palmer, Phil Rivers, Eli Manning, Big Ben, Joe Flacco and Jay "GIMME THE LOOT" Cutler")
#3 - Coaches are worse than the QBs. Obviously these guys are too busy alienating vets, juggling QBs, or sniffing blow in their office before a meeting. Or else they might learned how to call timeouts playing Madden, run up a logical short yardage play, or just waited to find out if the guy watching the TVs in the box can tell them it's not worth spending a timeout to throw a red challenge flag when it was pretty obvious that both feet were in bounds on that 2nd down pass in the 1st quarter.
(I was gonna call a timeout, but I was high. I was gonna run it in from the goal line, but I was high)
#2 - Everybody gets hurt. I know 40 year old Tom Brady drinks ions and eats raw seaweed fetuses, but even he got hurt once upon a time. No one is safe. The 3 most marketable players and the top fantasy player got carted off Madden Style for possibly the whole season, and it's only week 6.
Pour out a little liquor for 2017 Aaron Rodgers, O'Dell Beckham Jr, JJ Watt and Davis Johnson. Even though the NFL was trash with you, it's even worse without you.
#1 - Fantasy Football is dumb. For some reason this was supposed to make the football season better. Until every player started getting hurt, coaches started platooning running backs, and I was up 13 going into the Sunday Night Game with one player left to play on each team - Even Engram and CJ Anderson.
Spoiler Alert: I lost.
Fantasy Football is trash.
Injuries are trash.
Coaches are trash.
QBs are trash.
O Lines are trash.
Teams are trash.
Refs are trash.
Fans are trash.
Games are trash.
(Did I mention Roger Goodell and the owners are trash? No? Well they are.)
So...ummmm...is the NFL trash???
Charlotte transplant Frank Walton III, known by his close friends as Phillie Frank is a native of Philadelphia, PA.